In my life I have went through many battles, ranging from parents marriage falling apart, incurable sickness, financial falls, separating of family members, social anxiety, sexuality, many sicknesses and complications with health, the journey of a world class athlete, isolation, suicide, death. . . I could go on and on. I recently reflected on all the important events that has happened in my life and realized not a lot of people go through it or unaware of it. I relate to the word Koev Halev (Hebrew), having a sort of empathy. I can't see people suffer or in misery especially if it is someone I love, like a family member, long-time friend and partner. When they are in pain or in a rough situation, through their tone of voice, body communication, and emotional expression - I can feel their pain in me. I actually experience physical pain: emptiness in the gut, muscle aches, headaches from overthinking, or a knot in my gut.
Personally, my father is sick with an incurable autoimmune disease and has stayed in hospitals for many weeks and sometimes even months. The first year of it was never ending hospital visits and stay overs. When I learned my partner's father was diagnosed with cancer over the summer last year. When they told me that I could see the pain in their eyes and the constant eye contact wandering revealing that they were anxious, worried and overthinking. I knew how it felt when I first heard my dad was sick and it was incurable made it worst. I felt the pain of uncertainty they had of death, exactly how it felt when my dad was in the hospital.
" Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight"
This is my favorite line because I connect with when I am so happy and in a full moment of joy, I find a sadness in the happiness in everything. I am not a very optimistic person, especially when it comes to knowing that anything negative can happen in each joyful moment.
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